This blog is intended for all those who are, or might be interested in the BDSM scene. There will be lots who think about this, but hold back, dare I say remain in denial. Fearful of where it might end up, terrified of exposure and the humiliation that would inevitably follow. I entitled this ‘How to find a Domme on line’ This suggesting someone seeking a female dominant. “Dominatrix” is a word often referred to, with men, but occasionally women seeking them out. But, while I’ve left that main title I am including the term Dom, the male version. It is also of great importance to define the roles being sought and ‘services’ if that is the best description being offered. I specifically wish to differentiate between sub/Dom relationships where one party is dominant and the other submission (most relationships actually ) and sadomasochistic relationships which is the main focus here.
Many people, probably more men than women seek others to have pain inflicted. Some actually enjoy it, others challenge themselves to endure it. Some men love the power exchange which takes place when they submit to a woman, they endure whatever has been agreed between them. This is inevitably a financial transaction. Men seeking men usually has a different slant. It involves role play, often reliving school related corporal punishment. It often is a pursuit between gay men but not exclusively by any means. Those services are usually free. So how does one find a Domme or Dom?
Years ago it was very hard. Cards were left in public telephone boxes, contact magazines abounded which had PO Box numbers. Contact was made by mail it could take a week, often more to get a reply. Some correspondence took place and a meeting arranged. Women operating other professional services carried out corporal punishment for those who requested it. Today almost everything has moved on line and contact can be pretty instant.
A few obvious search terms will show a myriad of websites where women will display their services. Many will have their own private website which provide more detail. Prices charged will be displayed. Contact made and arrangements to meet are set up. Now, this is where personal experience plays it part. The quality of services offered vary considerably. Any nice looking woman with the right assets can purchase some equipment and dress up as a Domme. My own experience suggest the more understated women are the best. Dressing up in leather, a basque and fishnet stockings is no guarantee of the wearer’s ability to deliver a lasting experience, one which will encourage the recipient to return. A great Domme doesn’t need to shout and verbally abuse. It isn’t just about wielding a cane. It’s about forming a connection where after a period of time the submissive can actually become very attached. Love his Domme. Finding that elusive person can take time and sadly there will be more misses than hits. It’s perseverance, recommendations are good, although of course you need to know someone in the scene first.
Men providing similar services is more straight forward. There will likely be a very clear scenario to re enact. It doesn’t take too long in a degree of mutual correspondence to find common ground. The visit to the headmaster’s office soon becomes a reality again although the severity of what will take place will hardly match that which took place years before.
Finding a suitable Domme/Dom appears easy, but finding the person to match your expectations will take time. Always use caution when meeting up, you are meeting with a stranger. Be wary of restraint until you have built up trust with your play partner. Listen to your gut feelings and don’t be afraid to cancel or walk away if things don’t feel right. Just keep trying!