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When is too much or too little when writing a sex scene

 When is too much or too little when writing a sex scene

Do you feel disappointed, short changed when you see a book with a hot cover, it’s in the erotic category and it has a subtitle and description that suggests the reader is in for a feast of sexual activity then, when you read it you are left underwhelmed. The question is, when is too much or too little when writing a sex scene? My view is when you by an erotic categorised book there can never be too much. It was to be raw and descriptive.

I view sexual scenes in a book to be no different to that of someone walking through the countryside. You describe the scene, what you see, what you hear, what you smell and taste. The mist on the horizon, the sound of a skylark hovering above, that tiny speck in the sky with its shrill repetitive song. The smell of recent rain. No. author would leave that out in such a description, so when the action moves into the bedroom, why should it be any different. The reader is the voyeur, following the players to wherever they plan their carnal pursuits.

The room can be lit by flickering candles, their scent invasive. Clothing is removed, that in itself a scene worthy of describing. Item by item. Which to leave until last. The first touch. The moment of coming together. Often this is when the author fades to black. The door is closed the those inside are left in privacy. But that’s not what most readers want is it? They want the author to become one of those participants, to know what they are planning to do, no vanilla flavours, they want a tour of intimacy.

Is the problem, shyness? Fear those who know the author will see he or she in a new light. “Oh, my I didn’t know she was into that…!” Describing a kiss, lips meeting lips, tongues entwined, which lips and where? This is where scent and taste are described. I’m sure I don’t need to join up the dots. Yes, people do that, so describing it has to be essential.

I wrote this, a short clip from a book just published. “Living Truth” by Anietta Strong. My idea of how a hot sex scene should be described and this takes place downstairs in the lounge, a better replacement than brain dead Saturday night TV.


‘Oh, I think a man of your resources would find a way to reach his final destination Tom.’

‘You could give me the postcode of where that might be. I can set my satnav and be sure?’ I was struggling to keep a straight face.

‘Don’t you think those journeys are better when you set off and just explore without any particular intended location? See where you end up. Did you have a final destination in mind?’ I’d finished my coffee, albeit drowned by another flavour. I took Sandra’s cup too and placed both out of harms way. I slid off the sofa and reaching forward I grasped both her legs and pulled her towards me. They opened involuntarily and I buried my face into her hairy excesses which parted to expose a delicious pink mass of wet slippery flesh. My tongue extended and I ate her hungrily. I lapped my way through that sodden trench, working my way up and forward towards a narrowing vee. There, I searched for her erect tip which I knew I’d found when she convulsed and cried out in pleasure. She struggled, I knew I’d got her full attention, but she wasn’t going to escape until I’d finished the job I’d started. Sandra climaxed loudly, squirting me with pungent scented urine. I lifted her and went south, through the mass of wet tangled hair and started licking between her cheeks. I felt another place on my tongue now which I encircled with its tip. Her musky scent invaded my senses. With her muscular thighs gripping tightly round my neck I searched for the buckle of my belt, pulling it loose and allowing my trousers to slide down, followed by my underwear. Sandra grasped me and pulled my face to meet hers. I kissed her for the first time and her tongue entwined with mine. Her hands now searched and found my erection which she lined up to perfection. One thrust and I entered her, sliding in fully until my pubes got tangled in hers. I kissed her as I started the rhythmic actions of a mutually needy fuck!


I hate crudeness in writing. Explicit sexual scenes have to be bathed in creative wording You are describing what happened. It is beautiful moment for two people coming together finally. Make the most of it. Treat their act with respect. I hate how body parts are often described. They all have a name, use them. Take your time, don’t rush the scene, linger. Taste is described, scent too. People do lick in interesting places. In Peter Mayle’s book “Another Year”, there is quote, spoken in French but shown in subtitles. “Excuse my lips, for they find joy in unusual places”. No guesses where those lips had been or were heading.

Describing sex cannot be researched. It has to be experienced. If you haven’t experienced sex with an edge, then you will struggle to describe it in a way that gives it justice. If you are worried your friends might find out by describing a spanking scene you might be into that activity, then isn’t that their problem for leading a repressed life and not yours.

Before I took up writing seriously, I heard some advice on the radio as I was driving. One was never to plan a fiction book in detail, it can hold back creativity, trying to keep things on track. Let your mind be taken where’s the book wants to go. To write what you know, have experienced, most of all to write without fear.

Living Truth by Anietta Strong available on Amazon and D2D


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